Maybe I should not have been so optimistic that I had miraculously come to a place of peaceful, blissful meditation.
Although my meditation was not the sheer tortured agony that it used to be, it was felt forced and long, even though I only successfully meditated for 10 minutes.
Maybe the difference was that I had just swam for 30 minutes for the first time in almost 2 years. Maybe my disappointment that I was only able to accomplish 30 laps instead of my usual 80+ laps interfered with my ability to meditate.
Maybe the fact that I was positioned slightly different on my bed this time as apposed to last time. Maybe because it was the middle of the afternoon instead of at 8 pm in the evening. Maybe it was because I knew that I was meditating alone and not joining into a group.
I could maybe this all day long but I will never know the answer.
The good news is that I did not give up and ever meditate again and I managed to meditate for 10 minutes.
I will give myself the credit for this the same as I am giving myself the credit for swimming 30 laps. It is a start and I did not give up.
